What’s Past is Prologue

I have often heard the phrase “what’s past is prologue” but until recently had never stopped to consider it’s meaning. I didn’t even know it was Shakespeare. I also didn’t know the murderous intention of the character who spoke it.

I definitely knew what a prologue was.

In my early writing life, I was very ready to add a prologue to anything I was writing—whether it needed one or not! It would be dramatic and foreshadow while providing a good smattering of backstory. All the things that probably make people hate prologues.

I’d grown out of them by the time I started writing in earnest, sometime in 2014. But one day a prologue came to me. A fantasy prologue that hinted at all sorts of amazing things to happen in the story. I was completely taken in and wrote and wrote and wrote.

180,000 words later I had myself a story I loved.

The only problem was…the prologue no longer fit.

I had to throw it out.

(The story is currently with beta readers and will hopefully come out sometime next year. The current title is Soundless and it’s a fantasy with a deaf protagonist.)

The prologue had done it’s job though. It had spurred me on to write everything that came after it.

And it was as that prologue came to mind the other day that I thought of the phrase “what’s past is prologue.”

You see, I’m recovering from a…what’s the right word? Rut isn’t it. I prefer the term best-selling author Kristine Kathryn Rusch uses. A life roll.

I started publishing a decade ago. Goodness, time doth fly. In that time I have published two novels, one novella, almost twenty short stories, and three short story collections. I have a backlog of short stories that haven’t been published as well as a romance science-fiction story called Be All My Futures Remembered that is on the cusp of being ready to send out in the world. And I’ve got Soundless which was a mammoth task on its own.

But, to be honest, I’m not where I want to be. And that’s all to do with my life roll.

I won’t go into all the details. Goodness knows there are plenty of them. The highlights (or more probably the low points) were two breakdowns and a cancer diagnosis.

I’m cancer free. This month is my five year anniversary. I still have no idea how I got it, neither do the specialists and even the geneticists. I have no history of it in my family. It was just one day—boom—there.

But in the five years since, I’ve been struggling to write, to publish, to blog, even to read anything with enjoyment. My synapses had fried, and it has taken me a long time to recover them.

Thusly why I like the term life roll.

But the other day the phrase “what’s past is prologue” came to mind and I suddenly understood what it meant.

The phrase comes from Shakespeare’s The Tempest. Two characters are discussing what they are about to do—commit murder—and part of the rationalization is “what’s past is prologue.” Does it mean that the characters are fated to do the dastedly deed because of what has gone before? Or does it mean that everything that has gone before has set the stage for them to “make their own destinies” as Wikipedia says? That seems to be a topic ripe for discussion, as much of Shakespeare is.

In my case I have no intention of murdering anyone (even my ‘darlings’ as the writing phrase goes, which I apparently should be doing more of). What clicked with me is the idea that whatever has gone before can inform and provide foundation for the success you can build atop it.

I’ve had a rough few years. But what did it teach me? What experiences did it provide me so I can write with more depth and emotion?

I hadn’t understood cancer before (even though I’ve written a supposed cure for cancer in Be All My Futures Remembered). Do I understand it now? Not really, but I know what stages mean and the different treatment options, and the pressure to choose the right options because suddenly your life is involved. I understand when you lose your hair. (I thought it was radiation. It’s not, it’s chemo. Thankfully, I didn’t lose my hair…) I understand that getting a margin is only the beginning. I understand what sentinel nodes are and how they’re found. And I understand the camaraderie you feel when you find you’re talking to a fellow cancer survivor.

Does that help my writing? It surely must. How can it do anything but?

The only thing stopping that from happening is me trying to recover my brain cells and, to a certain extent, my personality.

I used to write like I breathed—constantly and with a comforting flow. Now… Now I’m starting to recover the beginnings of that.
I used to blog over at Creativity’s Workshop on all things creativity. Now I know what it’s like to struggle to produce any kind of creativity. To sit on a couch and have no compulsion to do anything but continue to sit there. To lie in bed and be perfectly happy in a warm little ball and have no interest in getting up early to make progress on a story.

I’m a recovering creative. And I feel like that’s a worthy story to tell. I finally feel ready to start blogging again—to start documenting a process that could (I dearly hope) help others who want to create something but don’t know what’s stopping them. Who want to grow and thrive creatively. If that’s you, let’s go on a journey together! I promise to turn up each week and I would love to hear your comment on how you’re progressing. Tell me what you’re struggling with and let’s work through it together.